Untitled…

People say smells bring back memories. It brought you back for me.
The room filled with the smell of that exact same perfume and I was taken back to you.
In the hallways when our paths crossed, a smile being exchanged was all that I lived for. Early morning, what a sight for sore eyes. That oblivious smile, those perky eyes.
I took refuge in you. Your words felt warm but little did you know. When our eyes met a lot of times each day, I kept drowning in those alpha eyes. Every time you caught me staring at you, I smiled it away and yet, you were oblivious.
When those rare notifications turned into an everyday thing, my heart raced every time your name popped up on my screen. A year and a half went that way. With your innocent, oblivious heart.
It was small but pure. No one knew except me. You were a secret, still treasured. Times were simple when all I needed was you calling out my name. Eating with you , without you even knowing was a bliss. And yet, even after being right in front of you, you were oblivious.
And today I sit writing this, you are far away, somewhere, smiling your sly smile, with people you love. But I will forget you not. That smell, those eyes, that laugh and your voice, the way your eyebrows wiggle when you speak, all oblivious. And yet, I write.

-Stangel

“Sometimes when I look into your eyes
I pretend you’re mine, all the damn time
‘Cause I like you”

– Taylor Swift

 

Can you? 🌫

Can I cry, on your shoulder
I’m feeling nothing
Can you hold me, gentle,
I’m broken from the inside
Bleeding tears and beating heart
But I feel numb like canvas no art
Blank, and white, with grey clouds on me
I lie in the warmth but feeling so cold.

Can you kiss me, put me to sleep
Be careful though, I might just push
In a crowd, when I’m alone
I smile with no sin but blood on my hands.
A heart I hold but the heart is just black
And soul of mine, all she does attack
Blank, and white, with grey clouds on me
I lie in the warmth but feeling so cold.

– Stangel

“Hand, hands getting cold
Losing feeling is getting old
Was I made from a broken mold?
Hurt, I can’t shake
We’ve made every mistake
Only you know the way that I break”

– Billie Eilish

IMG-20190902-WA0033

In a black dress💋

Like a drop beat she swayed
Head bops and her hair bouncing
A care no more, smoke flew
One by one, him she played.

Danced, shining like a blazing star
White lies she drank,
In the dark, black night
Top down she rode her love car.

She knew no one could hurt
Body water, her heart was ice
She flew high in the sky;
With the devil, everyday did she flirt.

Running, getting lost in the crowd
But little did she lose herself
Love around she dived, got drunk,
But sober, she ran on to the light.

-Stangel

“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes
Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect”

– Harry Styles

315487

This venom✨

It’s scary, how I love you but want to leave
I don’t want to leave, but I am lost
The one love, keeping me alive
You trust, but I doubt me.

You say, don’t you worry, this is it
I say this is it, but why do I crave
I am hurting, you and only you
I am failing, but I fail you too.

You hold me together, cry and love
I don’t want to, but I am numb inside
The tears I cry don’t fall, but you
I love you, I don’t know what.

You were happier, I pull now
Down enough, It breaks, you break
My heart is toxic, injecting in you
This venom will kill, not me; you.

-Stangel

“I wanna raise your spirits
I want to see you smile but
Know that means I’ll have to leave”

– Marshmello, Bastille

12345

Know not👫

I don’t need you, your little love
You can jump, but never as high
I don’t need your little hugs
You can give but your heart is no big.

Two steps front, but you go away
Never will you know my name,
Come south, you won’t know north
The world is big; mine, bigger.

Screaming colours, I know white,
See black but choose grey, you
Don’t realize, I don’t know
Crave the drop, a taste of me.

The glass knows, what heart wants
But you, it cuts right through
Invincible or invisible, back and forth
It goes, but where are you?

-Stangel

“You don’t know love ’til it tears up your heart
And cuts it and leaves you with scars”

– Olly Murs

cr

Her moonlight lady🗿

She carved the rock,  sculpted the wood,
A flawless sculpture of a flawed lady
Tall, fat, with curves and edges
The moonlight hugged her naked body.

The frozen block she chiseled, a heart of ice she made.
Wood and wax she held; tanned, chapped lips she made.
Fire melting the iron, blazing fists of steel she made.
Sand in hand and water, flowy tresses and locks she made.

There she stood, under a gazillion stars
She smiled in pride and sweat she wiped
A beauty she built so handsome and strong
The jealous moon, so brightly white.

-Stangel

“Twilight in the sculpture garden
When we walk around the place
Look upon the beautiful secrets
That all the artists’ made.”

-Semisonic

sc

Bleeding black 🌢

Hold on to me, I’m falling
This void inside me, I’m dreading
My eyes are slowly closing, I’m fading
Help, this ache is painful, I’m dying

My own thorns are pricking me
Fear and pain comes licking me
These scars are marked, born internally
These cuts bleed not red, but black like me,

My heart and soul, and my body and mind
Broken, shattered, into pieces I can’t find
This embrace I am being pulled into tightens
Around me. And me, it frightens.

– Stangel

“Like water flowing into lungs
I’m flowing through these days
Like morphine cuts through, through deadened veins
I’m numbing in these days”

– AFI

bb

Why❓

Why do I do this?
Why do I kill
The love given, I let it drop
The cracks know everything more

Why do I let him fall?
Why do I rip it off,
The heart that bleeds, just for me
Every drop I let it fall and flow

Why do I break?
Why do I always,
Stab and throw and break it all
Even if the heart wants what it wants

I cry and cry,
The tears don’t fall,
They don’t seem to know it all
The way it hurts, the pain I give
The way it all I make it bad.
The way it all I end it bad.

-Stangel

“The smile that you gave me
Even when you felt like dying”

– Billie Eilish

240_F_200084503_zehAx4rYlNmJunvIl0XAn9PI4i4CB9j0

Broken‎🌊

The rainbow inside the paper cup
Went bitter down my throat;
The darkness around disappeared,
As the white wave rushed over me,

Light, lifeless I wondered
Did you ever mean love?
Alone, in a crowded room
Did you ever mean the words?

On the floor fell our polaroid
The colour we screamed turned black.
The chance we never stood
Pushed, we fell.

Could take the heat no more,
Hands slipped, tears fell
A piece tore, inside, in deep
As the white wave rushed over me.

-Stangel

“Whiskey river, take my mind
Don’t let her memory torture me
Whiskey river, don’t run dry
You’re all I got, take care of me”

– Willie Nelson

7c20628e0f8d71735d3d01bceaef85a1 (2)

The petal fell 🥀

Isn’t it strange,
How the bright sky’s dark
How the hand grip slowly slips
How your hand’s got a red mark.

Now there’s blood,
The white floor’s red
Red blood, a slit on your wrist
“I love you” when I said.

Why is this happening?
You say you drown, I down,
You swim instead.
You say you want, But walk away
When I come to give.
You say you love, But turn away
A red petal falls.
You say you’re here, I come here,
You just disappear.

-Stangel

I need your love, but it comes out wrong
I tried to live, but I don’t belong
I close my eyes and I see blood and roses”

-The Smithereens

Capture (2)